My astrologer says not to buy electronics while mercury is retrograde. I don’t know what I’m going to do until December 14th but I’m not buying a new phone until then
-me explaining why I can’t buy a new phone after losing mine on night number three of a five night Thanksgiving bender.
YOU almost burned down my mom’s new apartment! …you left the stove on so there was a gas leak and they caught it when her neighbor had to go to the hospital.
-Jack relaying his mom’s account of an incident occurring in her apartment on the first night of my 5 day bender.
Look-here’s what went down-she was in Palm Beach, he was joining her in the morning, we were at her place here in NY watching Homeland and I was making him grilled cheese- which he didn’t even eat because apparently he hates wheat bread. I turned the burner off and there wasn’t a flame but I guess gas was still somehow coming out. The hospital part wasn’t true, he just thought it’d be a nice addition to the story. Because it wasn’t embarrassing enough.
He still returned from Palm Beach with presents. The takeaway: Even if you almost burn his mom’s place down, you’ll still get presents.